Good morning, world.

Just got up recently and had a bagel that clocked in at nearly 300 calories. WOAH! That feels like a lot for me, considering I rarely eat breakfast in general (tsk tsk, I know). I was craving it though, and it feels good to be full and satisfied...hopefully it will give me energy for the morning. Feeling a bit yucky from going out to the bar with my husband last night, but it was worth it--we got some alone time and it was fun.

Going to try to hit the gym for a bit today while the boys practice/prepare for their shows tonight. Although, if I'm truly not feeling it, I simply won't go! I've already gone 4 times this week, so it would not be terrible for me to not go at all this weekend. It just feels so good afterwards that it's hard to resist!

Husband and I had a conversation last night that got me thinking. I was a bit drunk and the ideas/thoughts were flying, so who knows what will come of what we talked about. Somehow we got onto the topic of work and if I enjoy my job (I work as a medical assistant). I started to realize that I have the capacity to do so much more--not to toot my own horn--and that I am capable of being in a different role. I was in nursing school right out of high school, but couldn't handle it after 1.5 years, which sucks because I was doing very well. If I decided to go back to school, not only would it be a major stressor because of money/time (would I have to quit work? Quite possibly), but it would also be a major blow to my pride and ego, considering I was already IN a darn program. Oh well, it's something to consider...I don't want to write it off right away and sell myself short, but it will take some major thought.

Anyway, have to go wake the husband up...I really want to get to the local farmer's market today and pick up some goodies.

Have a superb Saturday!

EDIT::

Having a bit of a rough day today...have eaten much more then I planned on. Nothing really unhealthy, just a LOT. It's so early in the day, it's hard not to get super depressed and get binge-y. Blah. Trying to stay positive for the rest of the day... :-(

Ready for summer now, please!

For entertainment purposes, a ridiculous photo of my friend Jo (who lives in the lower part of the house I'm currently at...her boyfriend is my husbands bandmate) and I from last summer. :-P I'm on the right, FYI--as if it matters!

The sun is shining, and I am out of work. What a beautiful combination indeed! :-) I finished up at about 12:30 then hit the gym for a bit. I feel so good about being active in a healthy way--I have been drinking more water, and my diet has got my skin looking SO much better. I honestly was looking downright hagard for awhile there...too much binging on stuff like pizza, and entirely too much drinking. Not a good way to go about things.

At any rate, I really wish I was camping right now. That is when my soul is at it's happiest--covered in dirt, drinking way too many beers, sitting around a campfire for countless hours. It is honestly where I am the most "in my element". I find myself getting a bit sad, however, because for pretty much the entire month of June my husband will be on tour with his music. I don't have very many (*ahem*, I have literally one at present) girlfriends, so this will be difficult for me. Btw, *plugplug* you should check out Poor 'ol Jim either on facebook or google them...if you're into folk-y time music. :-)

Not much more to say at present. Have a great weekend, everyone.

Stay POSITIVE, self!

Things that are good:
-Extra short day at work tomorrow...YAY!
-Been being very good about getting to the gym often, and it feels good
-Staying true to my vegan diet, and I feel better than ever (definitely better then just being vegetarian x3 years)
-Focusing more on getting healthy/fit

Things that are not-so-good:
-Super LONG day at work today...it's been such a long week, and I am downright CRABBY this morning.
-Getting a bit frustrated with what feels like slow progress
-Had what felt like a "mini-binge" last night

So about said "binge"...my husband had a show at a bar last night, so I went and had a couple drinks. Basically just enough to get a buzz and try to unwind from the week thus far. Unfortunately, when I got home, that buzz caused me to be EXTREMELY hungry. I ended up eating a lot more then I had planned on, and I did feel a *bit* out of control...but damnit, I was truly HUNGRY. That's what happens when you go drink on a slightly empty stomach, you get majorly binge-y after you get drunk/buzzed. I should know this by now.

Anywho, I started to get pretty down about it afterwards, but I was able to stop before it turned into a full-blown binge. I didn't get to the point where I was uncomfortably full (which is what I would usually do). In fact, I was quite satisfied--so maybe my body wanted that much food? That's all I can really think, or else I would've been STUFFED. Regardless, trying not to get down about it today. Today's a new day to make smarter decisions. Like not going to the bar hungry. :-)

Just have to get through this day, which is feeling long and daunting at the moment. Hope everyone else has a great day!

Challenges...

Learning to try to lose weight slowly is difficult. Very difficult. But what is even MORE challenging then that, is trying not to set a "goal weight" that is ridiculously unhealthy. For that reason, I will not post my weight (I may change my mind, not sure) or what my ultimate "goal weight" is. Currently, what I am aspiring towards is probably too low, and I know this, so I am trying to forget about the numbers and just work on getting my body healthy and strong.

I have been trying to go to the gym 3-4 times a week for at least a short while, which can be hard if I'm trying to do it after a long day at work. As a result, I have been eating more due to MAJORLY increased hunger (makes sense, right? work out more, require more food). I'm still probably within a low-healthy range for caloric intake, but it just seems like SO much food right now. Trying to get over that right now. I haven't binged recently, which is great. I think working out has helped with some of my stress/anxiety.

Have to get to an all-day meeting for work today, so this is where I have to end for now (been SUPER busy lately...will post more possibly later today). Hope everyone is doing well and staying healthy!

Fresh start

Well, I'm going to give this another try. We shall see how it goes.

I really want to get healthy--very badly. I have been going about things wrong for far too long, and it's time that I started respecting myself and my body before I damage it entirely. Or, before I damage relationships with the people that I care about most.

I dont have much to say at the moment, as it has been a long day and my brain is simply done working! I will create a more meaningful post this weekend when I have more time/energy to do so.

-B